So I wrote this song for a contest to win a car. And I wrote to my buddy Ed, and I said, “I think this would be really funny as a cartoon, wanna do it with me?” He said yes. You can see the rough version of what my face will look like as a cartoon, which lends itself to 2 thoughts:
1) I kind of already look like a cartoon.
2) I need to figure out what my cartoons super powers would be. In an ideal world, I’ve always wanted to have the power to control all personal grooming requirements with the snap of a finger. No need to trim fingernails, or shave, just snap a finger. Want a big afro and mustache on thursday? Snap a finger. Need it gone for a date on friday? Done. The world’s most convenient super power, and no one on Earth would expect you to risk your life fighting crime with it.
So after deciding we’d work together, we had to talk about how to split the prize. The thing is, even though I’m one of the few living here in Los Angeles without a car (I think there’s 8 of us), I have been doing it for over a year and I love it. So I told Ed, “If you want the car, take it and just throw me some cash.”
But Ed lives in New York, so he responded with, “I don’t want it.” Which leaves us in the fascinating position of trying to win a car that neither of us wants. But dammit I still want to win it. There is nothing that could kick this contest profession into comedy over-drive like being able to say I won a car.
That’s like the pinnacle of my profession, I think. I mean, if my profession actually has a pinnacle. I mean, if it’s actually a profession.
Well, if it isn’t today, it sure as hell would be if I win that car.
UPDATE:
I need a place to put this picture so ESPN will let me use it for my fantasy avatar. Here it goes!
